We can't Outrun ourselves....
Saoirse Ronan's latest tale of healing and survival provides powerful pointers for all life transformation. PLUS grab my end-of-year coaching offer now for a new you for 2025!
I’ve been thinking about the film The Outrun starring Saoirse Ronan which I watched at the weekend - so much so, it’s become the subject of this week’s newsletter.
I won’t provide spoilers, as in terms of plot it’s a pretty straightforward story of one woman’s journey from alcoholism and trauma back to herself. But I will be discussing some aspects of the story. I say this because as both a critic and film fan - I hate spoilers! So I’m suitably alerting you here…
The Outrun is does a superlative job of the ‘show don’t tell’ fundamental of good filmmaking. We are flies on the wall to Rona’s life unravelling in London. It’s visceral - we feel woozy and uncomfortable, both with and for her. So we understand her desperate need to return to the relative safety of her home on Orkney for her recovery.
Relative, because Rona’s life there was laced with instability from an early age. Her parent’s marriage didn’t survive her father’s bipolar episodes, so Rona’s return still means navigating her Dad’s erratic and lonely life in a caravan and her mother’s religious fervour.
Yet the film’s theme of life-changing healing resonates beyond the subject of addiction. So much aligns with making any big or difficult change in life. For Rona, alcohol has become her way of emotionally surviving the trauma of her upbringing. But many of us can be avoiding pain and struggling to be our best self without being in such a bad way, or it involving addiction.
Change is hard. And we can struggle to even see when it’s needed, because we’re deciding from our idea of what’s normal. ‘Normal’ is framed within the culture of our upbringing and the way we were conditioned to see the world. Rona was shaped by instability, addiction, a mentally ill parent and family breakup. Hardly surprising she herself reached for alcohol and got stuck inside its numbing affect.
By becoming sober Rona must change the structures of her life and her way of being in the world. This is the nature of genuine transformation. But whilst Rona’s situation is more stark and challenging than those most of us must rise to, the film inspired me to share three key takeaways relevant for all healing journeys through difficult change. Especially the big stuff of real transformation - because that requires a change in our very identity.
Detach from unhelpful relationships - even family: Early on Rona navigates her new sobriety in Orkney and is doing ok. She’s helping out on her Dad’s farm and doing a decent job of setting boundaries with her Mum. She’s away from the London’s temptations which instigated her unsafe behaviour and ultimate downfall. Yet Orkney is still pressing her buttons. And there’s a moment where she realises: she cannot escape her trauma there. Yes her parents love her, but so long as she is with them, she is immersed in the same cultural environment that produced her dysfunction.
And so she extricates herself further - to another island, off the island. She removes herself from her family for as long as she needs to heal. A brave stand, because it’s hard enough extricating ourselves from friendships that don’t serve us. Doing so with family remains a major taboo. Which is unhelpful to my mind, and I love that the film subtly shows why this can actually be very necessary. It’s not easy for Rona - especially when she learns her father has again been sectioned - and it’s never easy distancing ourselves from family.
But sometimes it’s a must if we want to do the necessary healing to grow into a new version of ourselves. We can often only do that outside of old familiar patterns because continued connection can keep us stuck there. And yes, I speak from experience here. So it was also inspiring to see how after many months Rona is able to have a calm, objective and compassionate conversation with her mum, which fosters a new healthier connection. Estrangement doesn't have to be forever.
Alone time over isolation: There’s a palpable sense of Rona being decidedly alone - despite her London party life. She appears to be an only child, and we see an independence born of her childhood need to escape her familial chaos. But later, this turns into isolation as she battles her own demons in a bid to stay sober. Of course it’s understandable that we shrink into ourselves and pull away from others when we hit rock bottom. A certain amount of retreat from the world can be helpful and appropriate self-care.
But the belief that we must overcome our struggles on our own doesn’t serve us in two ways. First, it enables shame to fester - the shame of having ‘fallen’ so far, which of course bolsters the belief that we’re a ‘bad’ or ‘unworthy’ person: why would anyone want to help me? And second, without connection to the right support and relationships we’re far less likely to realign with a new story about ourselves and what we’re capable of. So we’re likely to stay stuck, and in pain, for longer.
Rona has had the support of rehab, and she attends at least one AA meeting in Orkney. But there’s a determination to go it alone, to keep her addiction secret. And perhaps that’s her way of recognising that it is, after all, she who has to do the work - no one can do it for her. But ultimately it’s her engagement with the local community, and the caring approach of a fellow alcoholic, that fuels her recovery. Only then does Rona start building the resilience and connections that serve her more hopeful future.
Nature is the salve of the Gods: Rona’s salvation is the sea - and its roaring power and ancient stories. Her journey back to self is embedded in the natural world. When she’s lost and unsure it’s nature she turns to. It’s a primal instinct which serves her well. And it’s not just about the solace and calm of beach combing or animal husbandry. Nature provides catharsis as she screams into pounding waves and feels at one with the energy of life. The sea’s power enables her to embody her angst and frustration as it’s reflected back in the roiling surf.
Indeed, when we’re healing old trauma or navigating big change, it’s incredibly powerful to place ourselves within a bigger context of life. We can’t expand into new possibility and seeing our options differently if we’re stuck in the assumption that we are running the show. Because whatever your beliefs - religious, spiritual or otherwise - we’re not!
Yes - we need to be protagonists - and for women this agency is a very recent shift when it comes to both stories and real life. But when we remember that life is way bigger than us and our daily grind, we automatically expand outwards from the limitations of our minds and bodies.
We come from nature, we are nature, and I love The Outrun’s portrayal of the natural world as not needing to be pretty or gentle to appeal - or heal. Instead it shows nature as all of life - brutal, mesmerising, powerful, and yes: utterly magnificent.
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Rona also finds solace in music - allowing throbbing beats to thump through her body be it in London’s clubs, or via the headphones that support her retreat from the world. At one point we see her dancing wildly in her isolated house, unleashing the trauma she’s been carrying for decades. And it’s a great illustration of how healing needs to be embodied. We have to find a way to feel all that has come before. And perhaps all that we could not fully feel - because as a child our trauma is too much for us. It stays in our bodies - meaning we must find a way to release it.
This scene made me think of the game changing book The Body Keeps the Score by one of the world’s leading experts on trauma, Bessel van der Kolk. This book is an astounding investigation into the ways that trauma impacts our mind, body and brain and, importantly, it offers hope and practical solutions for its healing. A fascinating must-read for anyone interested in fully releasing old emotional wounds.
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That’s it for now - keep on reaching for your best self, and reaching out to those who might help you.
Because Drama belongs in the movies, not in your life.
Until next time,
Wendy