Objectification: it's not just Sexual
Explicit objectification is widely understood. But new research shows kids TV still prioritising boys as story subjects, which has ramifications for all us adult women...
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I think most of us understand the meaning of objectification, don’t we? We picture women’s bodies on billboards (Hello Boys!), or the way female movie characters are framed through a sexualised lens. The male gaze etc. And yes, that is indeed objectification - the physical, visual, highly charged kind. The in-your-face objectification telling us in no uncertain terms that our value lies in our sex-appeal. That our role is to be horny and available for men’s pleasure.
But I’ve been thinking about a subtler, deeper kind of objectification. Not around sexualisation - but agency, or lack thereof. About whether we are the subjects of our own lives or merely the objects in someone else’s story.
Because when we grow up absorbing the message that girls wait and watch and boys act; that women support and men lead; that we are the emotional backdrop to someone else’s adventure - those patterns don’t disappear when we grow older or wiser. They settle into our nervous systems. They shape our sense of possibility. They hold us back from stepping forward, taking action and taking up space.
This came back to me reading something fascinating (and a bit depressing) in Caroline Criado Perez’s excellent newsletter this week. She discussed research that analysed over half a century of children’s television - from 1960 up to 2018 - and found that the stories told still overwhelmingly centre boys and men.
Over half a century, and almost nothing has changed.
Now ok, #MeToo was the tail end of 2017 onwards, so perhaps - perhaps, she opines optimistically! - things have made a more positive shift since. But it still means that during almost 60 years of social evolution - through feminist movements and equal rights legislation and beyond - the narratives shown to children remained the same: boys go on adventures; girls wait, help, or watch.
And that’s a sobering thought for all of us. Because the kids who grew up with those stories - those little girls? They’re today’s women. You and me.
No wonder so many of us reach midlife with a deep ache for something more, yet feel inexplicably hesitant about naming what we want or taking the reins. No wonder confidence in ourselves feels like something we’re still supposed to find via validation, rather than something that’s rightfully ours.
The cultural story has tended to designate us as objects - the ones being looked at, desired, chosen, relied upon - rather than subjects: the ones choosing, acting, and leading. So not the ones having fun and reaching their potential basically.
And even when we know better - i.e. when we grow up - these patterns live on. They play out every time we hesitate before saying what we really think. Every time we hold back from a risk because it might inconvenience someone else. Every time we quietly shame ourselves for not being “more confident” or able to make the emphatic decisions that we feel so deeply, but still waver about.
So here’s what I want you to hear clearly: it’s not your fault.
You didn’t invent or create this conditioning. You inherited it. You’ve been steeped in it since before you could speak. Cultural conditioning is powerful. It’s slithers into our psyche from all directions - none of us can fend it off alone. And it’s REALLY important we understand that, because when we do, the shame can start to loosen.
It’s not a personal failing if you struggle to centre yourself. You’re not weak or stupid if you feel more at home on the sidelines - even whilst you’re simultaneously yearning for the spotlight. Ambivalence is cleverly manufactured within us, so that we hesitate and stay out of the big boys game. It’s the result of centuries of objectification and mindfu*kery. This is powerful stuff!
So if you notice yourself hesitating to claim your voice, your ambition, or your desires - start by being curious, not critical. Ask: Whose story am I in right now? Am I the subject… or the supporting role?
Because the moment we ask that question, we open a door. We see how we might be taking up our default object role, and we can choose to reject it. We can turn towards being the subject - from being acted upon to taking the lead in our own narrative. Because that confusion you’re currently circling within? It’s the inevitable confusion of having no agency. If we don’t see ourselves as the main actors in our own lives - we are inadvertently waiting for others to take charge! We are at the mercy of external events. No wonder we’re confused!
You won’t be able to change this overnight - but start by holding the understanding that “I am the main player in my story”.
I work with so many women who smash it in the workplace as leaders - but when it comes to their own life they struggle. It’s this version of objectification that I see playing out - because instead of taking action on behalf of others and a company, their deeper happiness and fulfilment requires them to fully centre themselves. To be honest with what they want and who they are - and to act for her. It can be very much outside of our comfort zone to choose our own deeply held story and star in it.
But that’s where the reclamation begins - and that’s when you start really living.
Here are three small ways to start noticing - and rewriting - that script:
Catch the hesitation. Next time you find yourself uncertain about your next move, pause and ask where the doubt comes from. Is it genuine uncertainty, or an old message about staying small? What would trusting yourself look like?
Name what you want - out loud. Whether to a friend, your journal, or your coach, speaking your desires gives them weight. Objects are silent; subjects speak - with purpose and enthusiasm.
Drop the shame. Confidence isn’t something you should “already have.” It’s something you reclaim - by seeing the systems that stole it for what they are, and working to deprogram its powerful effects.
When we understand that, confidence stops being a performance and starts becoming power - quiet, grounded, self-authored power.
And that’s the story we all deserve to live.
If you’d like support truly centring yourself in your life and reclaiming your confident self, why not book in for a FREE call with me? Click the button below, and together we can plot your new story ahead.
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But it’s also because Jennifer Anniston, Reese Wetherspoon, Billy Crudup, Karen Pittman, Marion Cotillard et al. are a stellar cast who bring the dastardly world of prime time TV at this time of global unease to life - and then some. Yes, it’s sometimes a bit soapy - but it romps along at a great pace.
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Perhaps this week’s newsletter has struck a chord and you’re becoming aware of how you’re feeling held back from the life you truly want. I’ve been there - and I let go of limiting beliefs and released old shame - but I didn’t do it on my own!
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That’s it for now - keep on reaching for your best self, and reaching out to those who might help you.
Because Drama belongs in the movies, not in your life.
Until next time,
Wendy