I really don't have time for this...
The elusive sands of time....but as Tim Ferris argues, time is intrinsically linked to priorities. And we could all do with being more conscious about the time we have.
So my newsletter is decidedly shorter (and sweeter?) this time because I’m all systems go on an exciting new project launching later this week. Can’t wait to tell you about it in next week’s missive!
What I’m saying is, I don’t have time to write the usual length newsletter. I’ve made the call that something else deserves my time more this week. Sorry - it’s not you - it really is me!
But, realising this, I’ve decided to dedicate the time I do have to the subject - of time. because it reminded of a Tim Ferris quote a friend posted on LinkedIn recently - yes: this one below…
I assume it’s from one of Tim’s many books - perhaps even “The Four-Hour Work Week”, or others in that best-selling series. I can’t say I know his work - and that’s the point. I rather like considering this phrase out of context, because it means different things to different people.
We’re all guilty of saying we don’t have time. Sometimes it’s used to excuse poor or thoughtless behaviour when others make demands of us: “But I don’t have time to do the dishes!” or “I don’t have time to think about that right now”. It’s important what’s not being said here, which is: “I’ve decided to not include your request in the allocation of my time. It matters to you, but it matters less to me”.
Indeed, it is less of a priority.
And that would be fine (though still potentially hurtful to those involved), if we were all more upfront and honest about our time. Instead we throw “I don’t have time” at each other willy nilly and disconnect from our own agency. Truth is we do ‘have’ the time, in some shape or form. So even if we’re not consciously prioritising how we use it, there is always choice in there somewhere.
Now I’m not suggesting that many people - and certainly many women - don’t have huge demands placed on their time, and that this can feel utterly overwhelming. But that’s the point. The more demands on our time from others, the more we need to prioritise. When we see the situation as fixed and say “I don’t have time” we are coming to a dead stop. We are accepting an immovability of our situation that is just not real and doesn’t serve us. If things feel too busy and too much, we have to wrestle back our time - however impossible that might initially look.
Nor is it very helpful when we hide behind “I don’t have time” instead of asserting a boundary. Sometimes people make demands of us and they are, frankly, taking the piss. It might be your spouse, child, friend, sister, colleague - whatever. It can feel easier to say “I don’t have time” - to fix yet another carelessly broken toy/endure endless complaints about their hopeless love life/attend a tedious event etc. than to state your truth. But in the long run you’re just perpetuating their obliviousness with your dishonesty.
Bottom line: using “I don’t have time” as an excuse is not a good look. And it often speaks volumes about our ability to manage our time and set priorities - especially in the workplace. But if someone’s struggling in this regard they need support not judgement. Because we can’t help the culture we were shaped in, and if “I don’t have time” was used to shut down reasonable requests in someone’s upbringing, they might need extra guidance with the whole time management thing. Stuff like assessing workload and planning effectively, communicating the need for extra support or time, or reducing the volume of work being placed on them.
Time management is of course a large part of the coaching relationship. Because once someone is prompting you to look at things differently then you see how you want to do things differently. Then if we choose, say, to learn new skills or pursue neglected passions - our default way of organising our time (or not!) can need a refresh - or total reboot.
It’s hard to properly assess our time management ourselves because we’re inside its construct. It feels normal - just the way things are. We can’t tell if its optimum, workable or unreasonably stressful. And we blame outside circumstances because we feel their pressure. Which is understandable, but we can’t let life events be the unchallenged boss of our time. So don’t feel like it’s your fault that you can’t quite get on top of things. It’s normal, and that’s where people like me can help you tackle it and set up structures and accountability that serves you far better.
Ultimately we all need priorities because we all want the time to do our most important stuff. But - this requires us to identify and connect to what our important stuff is. I had a complete shift in my ability to ‘have time’ when I realised that my to-do list needed to stop being the boss of my schedule. Instead I chose to plan according to what I needed and/or wanted to achieve that day - with that linked to my bigger goals down the line.
It sounds ridiculously simple, but suddenly I found ‘time’. Sure, my efficiency with that to-do list has plummeted. But that’s ok, it’s stuff that’s less important. I do check in and pull out anything that is genuinely pressing, but they’re things that aren’t my priorities in the big scheme of things.
Plus I also realised that my to-do list was actually serving procrastination - which I had no idea I was guilty of. Of course I didn’t! I’m ‘busy’ - I ‘do’ a lot. But that’s a whole other newsletter I don’t have ‘time’ to get into now…..
So I guess I understand Tim to be saying that if we don’t have time it’s because we’re not being conscious about the way we use it. And when we prioritise, we can start letting less important - or wholly unnecessary - stuff fall away.
But perhaps he’s also inviting us to see that when we shut down reasonable requests and respond “I don’t have time”, we might be trying to trump others’ priorities with the apparent fixed reality of our lack of time. So perhaps we need to fix that too.
In fact, the more I think about it, the more wormholes of meaning I could go down! I guess I’ll have to read Tim’s book - once I’ve decided of course whether or not to find the time.
DFY recommends…
Listen to this….
I’m super proud to announce that for the second year running, my podcast Open to Criticism has been nominated for two Independent Podcast Awards! The podcast is based on my 30+ years as a film critic, and my research on inequalities in the discipline for my MSc a few years ago. Open To Criticism is a one-woman production - apart from my husband making the yummy theme tune - so it means so much to have all my hard work recognised. I’m excited to be attending next month’s event when the results will be announced - wish me luck! And check it out here:
Book this….
And of course, my top recommendation if you’re feeling overwhelmed and lacking in time is to prioritise just 30 minutes of it for a FREE coaching session with me!
If you’re ready to make real change, just click here and arrange a 30 minute slot where we’ll explore your midlife reinvention and how you might best achieve it.
Let me support you to power-up your confidence to say no, and to prioritise things worth a big “YES”. Let’s manage your overwhelm so you can step into new adventures.
You’ll leave this powerful 30 minute session with:
Your personalised Confident You 2.0 goals and achievable outcomes.
A new awareness about your priorities and what’s been throwing your time management (it might not be what you think!)
Renewed motivation to set boundaries, overcome doubts and take charge of your calendar.
A next-step action plan for restructuring your schedule and making your time work for you and your desired goals.
My coaching is grounded in the amazing Women’s Centred Coaching in which I’m foundations certified. It’s evidence based and proven to specifically tackle the ways in which women are held back from success.
So whatever success looks like to you - raising your game professionally, finding true love, following your neglected dreams - whatever! - I can personally vouch for how this is genuinely transformative coaching.
It changed my life, and it’s likely the missing piece you didn’t know you were looking for too.
Email wendy@dramafreeyou.com with the subject line “Confident You 2.0”, and we can arrange a suitable time to meet online.
It’s time to release your fear and build unshakeable confidence - let’s do this!
That’s it for now - keep on reaching for your best self, and reaching out to those who might help you.
Because Drama belongs in the movies, not in your life.
Until next time,
Wendy