Cut the Victim Crap - Now...
...and let Anne Reid and Jenny Evans show you how. Because It helps to see others who've overcome terrible misfortune and found joy, success and fulfilment. PLUS my recommendations for the week.
I read about two inspiring women recently and it got me thinking. Both have professional acting in common, but they’re different generations and they’ve lived wildly different lives. Considering their stories together revealed striking insights about the truth of being human - especially as we move through midlife and beyond - so I’ve been keen to share.
The first is actress Anne Reid. You might know her as the quietly brilliant star of Last Tango in Halifax or Years and Years. But what you might not know is that Anne, now 90 and still touring in theatre, didn’t get her real break until she was 68, starring alongside Daniel Craig in Mother (see trailer above). When Anne’s husband died suddenly when she was in her forties - when she was an established star of stage and screen - she left acting altogether to raise her son and grieve. So when she returned to the profession years later, she had to start again from the bottom. Not at all the linear or ‘natural next step’ story we like to believe success to be.
Then there’s Jenny Evans, whose promising acting career as a young woman was derailed before it got started with a devastating sexual assault by a powerful celebrity. Instead of justice, she was met with silence and disbelief. She retreated from the career that had been about to pop with the release of her debut film Twin Town (see trailer below), and she struggled with her mental health for years. But that was not the end of the story. Because Jenny’s burning desire for justice emboldened her to train as an investigative journalist. You might not know her name amongst all the A-listers of the phone-hacking scandal, but Jenny went on to play a pivotal role in breaking the story that rocked British media and changed the industry forever.
Reading between the lines, it struck me how both women could have become been merely footnotes in the stories of others in the aftermath of their misfortune. Referenced in passing and assumed to be worthy of little attention as the subjects of their own stories. Yet they chose not to be. And instead of trying to bounce back in the shiny, Hollywood way we’re fed in glossy narratives - they recalibrated in response to what they had endured and how it had shaped them. In so doing, they built something meaningful from the mess.
It reminded me of a conversation I had recently with a friend going through a painful divorce. After a long monologue that revealed a refusal to engage with the reality of her husband’s unhappiness and desire to move on she said - with complete bewilderment - “This really isn’t fair: I didn’t ask for much. I just wanted a quiet, nice life.” Her unspoken subtext? I didn’t deserve this. And I’ll be honest. I got a bit pissed off! Because - hello!? None of us “deserve” the shit things that happen in our lives. (We are surely long beyond the days of Chris Hoddle - yes?) We don’t become immune to hardship just because we believe we’ve played safe and been ‘nice’.
Consequently I countered, point-blank, “So… did I deserve breast cancer then?”
She sat stony faced and didn’t answer. But I hope she got the message, because she was determinedly resisting life and refusing to move beyond her victim response. And we have to find a way to resist self-pity - because we’re on a pathway to disappointment and pain if we hang onto the fallacy that we are ‘right’ and life is treating us ‘wrong’. We can tell ourselves all we like that - if we follow the rules, stay humble, and keep it simple we’ll be spared life’s punches. But life isn’t a deal we make. It’s chaos and connection and curveballs. It’s loss and reinvention. It’s stumbling into joy on a Tuesday afternoon for no reason other than you feel alive. It’s starting over, again and again, and trying things differently - each time with a little more wisdom in the bank.
The lives of Anne Reid and Jenny Evans didn’t follow any tidy blueprint - they followed the far more reliable template of ‘shit happens’. And by responding fully and expansively to what they were dealt - rather than resisting and getting stuck in feeling sorry for themselves - they became deeply purposeful and empowered. They didn’t hang on resentfully to the plan they’d wished had unfolded or what they believed was supposed to happen.
So why does this matter? Well, when we choose to stay stuck we cling to the ghost of what ‘should’ have been. And living a purposeful life isn’t about getting the outcome you originally imagined back at the beginning. This linear journey we anticipate is an illusion. But when we dance with what actually shows up, we can find our rhythm all over again - and again - and create lives that are bigger and wider and deeper than those our younger and less wise minds aspired to.
We can’t control what happens to us. But we can learn how to meet it - with presence, courage, and openness. Having had my share of stumbles both personally and professionally over the years, I know the beauty of our erratic journeys! And I can tell you: there’s so much more peace when we accept what is - and who we are and were in the equations of life! None of us are perfect, and we make things a hell of a lot easer when we accept that truth for ourselves and others.
And that’s why I’m so skilled at helping my clients do the same. Whether it’s divorce, illness, empty nests, redundancy, or a sense that what used to work no longer does - I guide women through this process of recalibration. Because it’s a lonely struggle on our own, but with help you can integrate what’s been, release what no longer fits, and walk towards what comes next with a new and fully rounded identity that best serves your next phase.
Midlife - or any life crisis - isn’t the end of the story. It’s just the end of the first act.
So if you take anything from Anne Reid or Jenny Evans, let it be this:
Your life plan isn’t something you discover once and hold onto forever. It evolves. It bends. And at times it will break. But when you’re willing to face what’s true - really true: beneath your ego’s outdated stories; when you commit to this especially when you’re blown off-course, you’ll find meaning, healing and a better future.
These women’s stories are ones of loss, yes. But more than that, they’re stories of amazing becoming. And that’s the real magic of midlife. We stop trying to control the script. We finally realise that we are co-authors with life, not God-like solo writers. And from this point on we can get stuck into much better, bigger and expansive stories.
If life has knocked you sideways and you can’t find your way back on track - let’s talk.
Book a FREE call with me and I’ll guide you out of the rubble and toward a new path.
And you’ll find out more about my Midlife MOT where, In just 90 days, you’ll shift out of survival mode and into a new empowered you, able to create joy, ease and real fulfilment - no matter what life throws your way.
Click the link below and book in with me now. Your next chapter is waiting.
DFY Recommends…
Read this:
Barbara Kingsolver is a legend, and I’ve read all her novels - yet I have to admit I only found her about 7 years ago. She’s best-known for her Pulitzer prize-winning book The Poisonwood Bible, but I first read The Lacuna - and it blew my mind. It’s a spectacular mix of fact and fiction that reimagines the real story of Leon Trotsky’s time in Mexico - after being exiled by Stalin - hanging with Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera, and told through the eyes of the fictionalised young Harry Shepherd. It’s a masterclass in storytelling from multiple characters, with a weaving together of lost documents and secrets from beyond the grave. At the heart is Kingsolver’s unique, poetic and at times laugh-out-loud prose that will capture your heart from start to finish. I rarely read a novel twice - there are too many amazing ones to enjoy! - but I’m back in the midst of this one right now. So I must must MUST proffer it as this week’s recommendation - it will be the best book you lose yourself in this summer.
Book this:
If this week’s newsletter has got you thinking about transforming your mindset and kickstarting the bold action you need to create the life you want, why not book a FREE call with me today? Let’s get you out of the mire and on track for your best life phase yet. Click the button here:
Because so many of us get to a point in our lives - it can be midlife, it can be sooner - and find we’ve lost our way. Often the wake up call is life events - a crisis, or a period of ongoing unease - and we realise that what previously worked to move the dial or overcome challenges no longer works.
So we panic! Surely we should have it all worked out ‘by now’ - right? “If I can’t sort myself out at this point of my life with all I’ve been through, then I’m a failure!”
But here’s the thing: struggling alone is not the answer.
We need a new roadmap when we hit midlife, or come to that point where just rearranging the pieces of our life will no longer cut it. And we can’t build that roadmap alone - because we need to create and curate a new identity that sets us up for building the life that’s truly ours. We need to embark on genuine transformation - we need a Midlife MOT and we need a guide to help us.
Now, I often speak to women who fear making big change - even when they know how deeply unhappy they are. Even whilst they are struggling and feeling overwhelmed. Why? Because they worry too much personal change will blow up their lives. But it doesn’t work like that! It’s not all or nothing, and you remain in charge. You change what you want to change, or what you understand you need to change. At a pace you decide.
So if you’ve an itch to reinvent yourself that’s ready to be scratched - know that you’re right on time. And that you too can create the new version of you and your life that you deeply desire - without collapsing your whole life.
So if you’re struggling with challenges and unable to take the next step - or even identify what that might be - might it be time to reach out for support?
Because life requires us to transform to truly thrive.
And if you’re feeling that what worked previously doesn’t seem to anymore - you’re right!
Here’s the thing: making that shift into your 2.0 version? It’s hard to do without tailored guidance. Because the maze of change a bugger to find our way out of alone.
And that’s where I can help. Because I’ve been there, and I’ve trained in a coaching modality that delivers the support and the powerful and fast results that will shift you into a whole new life and way of showing up.
It’s time to recalibrate to the life that aligns with who you are - and who you’re ready to become.
So why not click the button below, and book in for FREE with me?
Because when life drops bombs on us, working through the debris is hard - especially alone. Many of us are more disconnected from the help we need than we care to admit. Or, we believe we should be able to deal with everything alone - that needing help equals weakness.
Here’s the thing: that determination to struggle in silence? It’s keeping you stuck. It’s only in relationship with others that we can break free of old patterns and beliefs that no longer serve us - because it’s impossible to see those patterns and beliefs ourselves, let alone know how to transform them!
When there’s a lot to navigate, or when you’re a long way from where you’d like to be, coaching is often the missing piece you didn’t know you needed.
I work with women who’ve spent years living by the rules, roles, or routines expected of them and are now asking: is this it? I help them reconnect with themselves, release guilt and uncertainty, and create a life that feels real, rich, and fully their own.
Whether you’ve built a career, cared for others, or simply kept going without stopping to ask what you really wanted, it’s time to finally put yourself at the centre of your own life.
Because you’ve done everything you were ‘supposed’ to - right? Yet something still feels off. I support women who are quietly questioning their life path so they can realign with their truth - including dreams that perhaps got lost along the way - and design the next chapter on their own terms.
So if you’re feeling emotionally exhausted, overlooked, or like you’ve lost yourself in the demands of life, working with me will enable you to reclaim your identity, expand into new possibility, create much needed boundaries, and finally make space for your own desires and ambitions.
Remember: needing help is ok and doesn’t mean you’ve failed.
So if you’re ready to commit to making REAL and lasting change, why not book a FREE Discovery session with me? Just click here and arrange a 45 minute slot. Together, we’ll explore your reinvention and how you might best achieve it.
In our short time together, I’ll help you:
Set our your vision
Get clear on what’s been holding you back
Get clear on the exact next steps you need to take
Discover if we’re a good fit to work together
What are you waiting for - let’s do this, and let’s get your 2025 on track!
Email wendy@dramafreeyou.com with any questions you don’t see answered at my website.
It’s time to transform your life - let’s do this!
That’s it for now - keep on reaching for your best self, and reaching out to those who might help you.
Because Drama belongs in the movies, not in your life.
Until next time,
Wendy